


Do you really love me baby

by stupid_stories



Category: The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Boris centric, Gay Panic, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Very Secret Diary, boreo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 10:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20928734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupid_stories/pseuds/stupid_stories
Summary: Boris finds an old journal of Theo’s. It’s life changing





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apologizing in advance if the Russian doesn’t make a good translation I tried my best.

Chapter One

One thing Boris did not expect to find in his old bag of things was a journal. It wasn’t his, obviously, when he did write (which was a rare occasion) he always wrote in Russian. 

He knew as soon as he opened it that it when he knew it was Theo’s. He decided that he wanted to read it. He had a hard time remembering his childhood, due to his drug addiction. He wondered if Theo remembered. Probably not? He opened the pages and started to read.

> _ Thursday, January 5_
> 
> _ So this is it. I got a journal. I don’t know why though, it’s not like I remember most days anyway._

So hah. He didn’t remember either. That was comforting.

> _ Me and Boris. Oh wow that sounds really nice. Me and **Boris. **We’re going to go to the swings later. I mean its so hot here in vegas._

The good old swings. Memories that we’re once kind of fuzzy in Boris’ imagination were now getting less blurry. He felt better.

> I_ love it when we run up the swings and Boris is all out of breath. His black mop of hair flopping around as he mutters words I don’t understand in Russian. He’s so **beautiful.** He has very pink lips and freckles that cover his face like constellation._

Umm. How was he supposed to react to reading that. His lifelong crush thought he was beautiful. He couldn’t believe it. A slimmer of hope filled his mind. Maybe just maybe Theo still liked him. This journal was from a long time ago. Many things had changed since then. A strong longing to go back to that time, bittersweet nostalgia hitting Boris like a moving train.

> _ I don’t mean that as in I’m in love with him. No no no. I’m not a queer. I love women. I mean it would be nice to kiss Boris at some point. Once again this is not gay. Its probably just because of the drugs. They mess with your head. _

iM NOt qUEEr. Theo sounded stupid. They both knew that they had messed around with each other at one point. Maybe it was because of drugs. To Boris is wasn’t. He would still have made out with him even if he had been sober every day of his life. He **loved **him. 

> _We’re just practicing. This is all practical. The little heart flutters i get when he looks at me with his stupid grin. I'm making this up so I’ll know what to do when the time comes for me to this for real with a girl._

**For real.** Those words hurt. Was everything they had done not real. It sure as hell fell real. Boris wanted a drink. Vodka or Tequila. Something that was going to make him blackout. He didn’t want to remember that he still liked Theo. 

“я люблю тебя Поттер это всегда был ты.”he whispered.

It wasn’t like Theo was going to hear him. He had just left to do something. Boris didn’t know what. He needed to finish this letter and have a little cry session before he came back anyways.

> _Or, I could do this with him forever. Cuddle his boney body. Make fun of his stupid accent. Its not stupid actually its kind of **hot.** Objectively speaking. _

Boris laughed. This was a train wreck. Its so funny to him. He doesn’t understand why.

> _Not objectivity speaking, Boris is hot. Definitely. Not in a gay way. Just in a hes hot and thats that. Its not like i want to date him._
> 
> <strike> _Maybe I want to date him._ </strike>

He launched the notebook across the room. This wasn’t real. He was hallucinating again. He’d wake up anytime now shaking and in pain. He grabbed the lighter on the bedside table and lit it, sticking his finger over the flames. Nope! He’s definitely experiencing this right now. How is he going to tell Theo.

” Hey! I found your old diary and I know that you liked me. Does that still stand? Or....”That’s how it would go? Maybe. The uncertainty of this whole situation was really getting to him. He was crying. Oh god why was he crying. He felt... so many things... too much for him to handle without a joint in hand. This cannot get any worse.

Boris turns his head when he hears a knock at the door.

**Shit this just got worse.**


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theo comes home to find a crying Boris.

Chapter two 

Boris knew he was fucked. Theo was walking down the hallway of their small two bedroom apartment. He was sobbing. He didn’t really know why.

The door opened and Theo walked in. Boris was sat on the bed in his room. **Theo’s room.**

“Boris what are you doing in my room,” he began realizing the state of his best friend “and why are you crying? Is it withdrawal again?” 

Boris didn’t say anything. He was frozen. He could talk. The feeling was similar to the final moments before he would black out on Oxy. 

“Boris. Are you high? Do I need to get the Narcan?” He was so concerned. 

Something comforted Boris about the fact that Theo kept Narcan in the cupboard. Not that he was ever going to try to overdose again, those days were long gone. It was just that Theo cared **so much **about him. It was like they were in a domestic marriage. Almost. 

He finally decided to speak. Because Theo was getting scared. 

“No, I’m not high. Promise Potter. I just found something old and it brought back memories.”

That was the best he could get out through heaving breaths. 

“Is this about your....” Theo began.

”Nope! This had nothing to do with him.” Boris cut him off, wanting to steer the subject away from his dad. 

“Well, what did you find.” Theo asked climbing in the bed and sitting next to him. He was so warm. He always had been. Boris was always so cold. He felt like a ball of sunshine. 

“A journal that you wrote” Boris whispered.

”I wrote a journal?” Theo muttered into Boris’ hair. 

“In Las Vegas Potter.” 

“Where is it?”

“Over there up against the wall” 

Theo raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question it aloud. It was better that way. He grabbed the small Moleskine and opened it. He returned to his spot next to Boris. As he read, a look of only what could be described as utter horror began to set on his face. 

“Listen..Boris....I” He was crying now too. Well almost crying.

”No, Potter its ok.” He wipes the tears off Theo’s cheeks. He was still pretty. He still had that golden hair and green eyes that Boris had fell in love with all those years ago. 

“I know that we used to..... but this is wrong and weird and I’m sorry and if you want to leave now you can.” Theo rambled on.

” So, all that you wrote about wanting to date me, that all still applies.” Boris asked taking his hand and lining it up with the younger man’s.

”....yes...”

”Holy shit! This is amazing.” Boris was so happy. This couldn’t be real and yet it was. His dream guy loved him too even after all those years. Even after the goldfinch situation. He still loved him. 

“What?” Theo said. There he goes again being a gay dumbass. He knew that he wasn’t straight and just didn’t tell Boris because they were bros? Boris made the best decision of his life in that moment.

He kissed Theo.

They had done this before, coked out of their minds at 3am. This felt different. It was so full of love and passion. All the words they never said were somehow communicating right now. 

They pulled apart, both were blushing and smiling. 

“So does this mean?”

”Yes, Potter. I love you.” Boris said.

”I love you too”

They fell asleep like that. All tangled up in each other it was amazing. When they woke up they were going to read some of the journal together. As boyfriends. 


End file.
